


Love is a dare

by malu (orphan_account)



Category: Plan B (2009)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:21:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/malu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You cannot choose whom you fall in love with. But you get to choose how you deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is a dare

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The characters are borrowed from Marco Berger's wonderful movie Plan B. So I don't own anything.
> 
> 2\. A complete list of the Songs (and respective writers/Labels) I quoted from is at the end of the work.
> 
> I changed the rating because I noticed that most movies that get a 16 and up rating here have "18 and up" in the UK/US. Sorry.

# ~Prologue~

_Fade into you_

_Strange you never knew_

_Fade into you_

_I think it’s strange you never knew_ **_[1]_ **

Pushed by Pablo, Bruno ended up falling onto the bed. Pablo was leaning over him and they were kissing wildly, with a hunger that could not be stilled easily as it had built up over a long time. Only when they took off their shirts their mouths would part for a second. Greedy hands explored each other’s bodies, nevertheless, when Bruno’s hand wanted to unbutton Pablo’s jeans, Pablo moved it back up, gently but firmly. Maybe Bruno was disappointed for a second; but then Pablo’s smell, the heat of his chest, the feel of his dark hair, overwhelmed him enough to forget, to ignore that originally he had hoped for more to happen. It was only fair this way; they would need some time. For the moment, being able to hug and touch Pablo, and finally kiss him, without needing excuses, was wonderful enough for Bruno.

# ~Fear~

_You’re headed for disaster ‘cos you never read the signs_

_Too much love will kill you every time_ **_[2]_ **

Their happiness only lasted a week before the bubble burst. It had not started out as a big argument, but it sure ended as such. They were spending some time at the beach again, drifting in childhood memories when out of the blue, or in "free association", Bruno suggested they should go to Victor’s party later that night. Pablo agreed – only, timid and insecure as he was, asking they would not show intimacy. Pablo had not foreseen Bruno’s reaction, had not expected that much of disappointment. Bruno said he was ready to commit, to move forward and had the feeling Pablo was not. And he asked if it was a problem of trust, if it was because of his scheme after all and started explaining over and over again how he was sorry but had never lied about his feelings.

Pablo knew that Bruno was sorry. They had talked through this after Bruno’s confession of love and their first passionate making out on his bed. And, although it scared him how easily he had done so, he had forgiven Bruno. And he did not doubt Bruno’s feelings: his sex proposal had been a first test and the second Bruno played along, he knew Bruno had honest feelings. When Veronica had told him a couple of days later, that Bruno had not taken Laura back, he was torn between ‘wishful thinking’ and ‘I knew his look, his letter must have been real’. He had told Bruno he was okay with it, was glad that it had led them to where they were now, assuring him that since he had taken the “kitty-picture” long before the scheme he could not complain that things had turned out this way. Pablo’s doubts were of a different nature… he had doubts with respect to a common future. He could not see himself ‘out of the closet’, he could not think about any type of ‘sex-life’ without nausea and he had doubts that Bruno, being the child he was, would have the patience to establish anything with him. Instead, he could easily see himself as another of Bruno’s toys, easily to dispose of once it gets boring. After all, things only stay fascinating and new for a very short time in Bruno’s life. None of that he could tell Bruno.

When Pablo failed to give him a good reason for his hesitancy, Bruno felt helpless, a feeling he was not quite familiar with. And it was a feeling that made him angry, very angry. He questioned Pablo’s feelings, which whose exact feelings were the reason behind everything – if he was not so crazy in love, it would not be so important to get everything right. But the less Pablo was capable of explaining, the angrier Bruno got, pressing now for answers, needing those answers desperately, because little children often lack patience and uncertainty is not helpful.

“Will we ever have sex, will we ever be able to go out as a couple? Or is this bound to be a platonic friendship with a goodnight kiss?”

“Of course we will, of course we can, soon, just wait a little.” Arguments and questions were running in a vicious circle and Pablo felt that his head was about to explode once again and he felt pressured into a direction he was not ready to move in.

“When? How long do you expect me to wait?” Bruno’s voice was still so full of anger.

It was Pablo’s turn to feel helpless. He did not want to hurt; he did not want to get hurt. Things were going too fast for him, he was more of a thinker than Bruno was; he needed time, more time. He wanted to explain but did not know where to start.

“Is this just a way to take revenge? Are you just trying to get back at me?” Bruno regretted the words as soon as he had said them. He knew Pablo, he knew him well enough to know that never ever would he do that. The words had come out of him out of despair and now that they were out, he knew he had messed it up.

The words felt like a knife stabbing into his heart and Pablo had felt incapable of breathing for a moment. He had then just turned around and left. When Bruno tried to follow, he had pushed him away. Now he was sitting on his bed, the very place where they were so happy last week, and bitter tears were running down his cheeks. He had messed it up, he, not Bruno... He hated himself for being a coward. For hurting the man he had fallen for. But as much as he tried to, wanted to, he could not bring himself to do what Bruno wanted. Even though he knew Bruno deserved better. He had this vague hope that maybe Bruno would come after him, as he had done so before, but the longer he sat there without his companion showing up or calling or at least texting, the more certain he was that he’d messed it up.

## ~~~

_I would say I’m sorry_

_If I thought that it would change your mind_

_But I know that this time_

_I have said too much_

_Been too unkind_ **_[3]_ **

Bruno was left heartbroken. For the first time in his life, he had been sure – and then it was all messed up. He did not understand Pablo’s problem, he was not sure Pablo had forgiven him, he did not know if all of this meant it was over, he was caught up in spiral of confusing thoughts, all ending with Pablo. He did not go to the party, he did not move at all. He stayed seated on his couch, smoked one cigarette after the other, and thought. Now one thing he knew for sure, he could not go back to where he was before Pablo. After Pablo’s failed attempt to initiate sex between them, Bruno had tried to return to his old ways, his original plan. He had gone to Laura, only to realize that kissing her and making love with her suddenly were no longer enough. It felt dull, useless, compared to what he shared with Pablo. So now, if he could not have Pablo, what should he do? Then Pablo’s hair would appear before his eyes, his pretty fingers, his eyes, his torso. Bruno could not remember that he had cried out of rejected love before, but he sure did now. For a brief moment, he considered running after Pablo, but then he was too afraid that he would only end up making it worse.

## ~~~

_I began to lose control_

_I didn’t mean to hurt you_

_I’m sorry that I made you cry_

_(…)_

_I was feeling insecure_

_You might not love me anymore_

_I was shivering inside_ **_[4]_ **

The sad weekend passed, the new week brought work and distraction for both of them, but at the end of the day, each of them returned to his apartment, with a tiny spark of hope that the other would be there or at least a message would have been left of some kind. They were disappointed, night after night, and kept having rough and rather sleepless nights. It wasn’t until the following Friday, that Bruno met up with Victor and finally got to tell someone.

“You know…” Victor took a deep breath, and after watching his best friend’s adventures and listening to his latest complaints, it poured out of him. “I have never seen you this sure of your feelings, and I guess it’s a good thing. But still, you should be the first to understand his struggle, don’t you think? I remember you vomiting all over this place when you realized what had happened to you. And I am not sure he could be as open as you can. You haven’t told me much about his background, maybe you guys haven’t even talked about it, but I do remember he’s from the country. Maybe his family is super religious? Or conservative? Or both? You two should really talk.”

“Well, I tried, he was the one who left!”

“So, in all honesty, did you really want to talk to him and listen to him or was it all about you convincing him of your idea and talking him into something?”

Bruno realized right there that Victor knew him well, maybe better than he knew himself. He had messed up. And he had no clue how to fix things. “This is going to be a difficult one,” he sighed.

Bruno stayed with Victor for a bit longer, talking about meaningless things and avoiding the subject of Pablo for the rest of their time together.

## ~~~

_You gotta be the one_

_You gotta be the way_

_Your name is the only word, the only word that I can say_ **_[5]_ **

Pretty much at the same time Pablo was having tea with Veronica, who softly but decisive told him that she understood Bruno all too well, that it must have cost especially Bruno much to be as open, honest and direct as he had been lately. That I was not easy to stand up for his feelings as such, and that she understood well that Bruno could not deal with Pablo’s lack thereof.

“How should he be certain about your feelings, if you are not willing to make the smallest concession? It’s not like he asked you to present him to your mother, he just wanted to meet some friends, all of whom I am very sure could not care less about your sexual orientation.”

“But what if it is just a phase for either of us?”

“Well, then you better enjoy it as long as it lasts. It’s not like your past relationships were designed to last forever, why should this one have to be? You can only try and see where it takes you.”

“But, there is a problem –“, Pablo paused, unsure how to continue.

“A problem?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Sex”, he pressed the word out of his mouth and felt himself blushing.

“Well, you have it.” Her voice was a bit irritated.

“What if we can’t?”

“I am pretty sure you can, though I suppose the first time will be strange.” Laura chuckled.

“See, it is an issue”, Pablo was annoyed.

“It is not.” She raised her eyebrow a bit again. “Why would it? First times are almost always awkward. Remember yours? Mine definitely was. It hurt, it felt ridiculous and embarrassing and it was followed by shame and nausea.”

Pablo had not thought about it this way. He tried to remember as much as possible from his first time Pictures appeared in his mind of him, clumsily trying to open a bra, stumbling over a bed post, needing several attempts to put on a condom, a hurried act of love where he did not last a minute before he came, blushing with shame, covered in nervous sweat and mumbling that he was sorry. Veronica was so very right, she usually was.

“You know”, she said slowly, with her sweet and caring smile. “Bruno has been chasing you for so long, it’s about time you run after him. I’m sure he’s sorry himself.”

Pablo shrugged, he was not so sure about that.

## ~~~

_I would do anything_

_I’d beg, I’d steal, I’d die_

_To have you in these arms tonight_

_(…)_

_I would give anything_

_My blood, my love, my life_

_If you were in these arms tonight_

_(…)_

_I’d hold you, I’d need you_

_I’d get down on my knees for you_

_And make everything alright_

_If you were in these arms_ **_[6]_ **

 

When Pablo returned home late that night and walked up the stairs to his room, Bruno was sitting next to his door, leaning against the wall and smoking, exhaling slowly. Bruno had not noticed him yet and Pablo, his heart jumping with joy because he had come after him in the end, watched him silently. His eyes devoured the other, wanting to create a picture to store in his head that would last him for eternity and that could cheer him up no matter how dark times would turn.

“I am so sorry, Bruno, I really messed up.” Pablo was now sitting next to him.

“Never mind,” Bruno was relieved he had not told him to leave. He was nervous, irritated and a bit aroused from Pablo’s beautiful slim fingers caressing his cheek. His voice trembled when he continued to speak, “I should not have pressured you. After all that I have done to you, giving you all the time you need is the least I can do.” Even Bruno noticed that this must have been the most mature thing he had said in a while.

“Thank you, but really,” it was Pablo’s turn to sigh, “you were right, you deserve an explanation for my behavior and for that I owe you an apology. I guess neither of us is good at this type of talking, huh?”

Bruno put his arms around Pablo’s shoulder and kissed his forehead. “You don’t owe me anything, my love.”

Pablo took a deep breath. He wanted to say something but the knots in his stomach and throat would not let him. He desperately scrapped together his courage and, still not sure his voice would follow his commands, he started talking. “Man, I have never had this kind of trouble before. You hurt me. You comforted me. Meeting you, knowing you, it has left me confused. And I am very, very scared. I would love to give you more, but all I can offer, right here and right now is that I truly and sincerely want to try my best to adjust. I want -”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Bruno interrupted him.

“No, please let me finish. I want this to work out, I want us to work out. And I want you to know that your stupid Plan B is forgiven and forgotten.” He kissed Bruno delicately, his hands lost in dark curls.

Neither of them had had this type of conversation before. It was safe to say that they were off to explore more unknown territory than they could imagine.

“We sure started talking like sissies,” Bruno chuckled and Pablo burst into laughter.

s back all the while thinking that he knew the fear of loss now all too well. It had been with him since Pablo bailed out the first time, and it had grown steadily, as had his love and desire for this handsome and wonderful man in his arms. They stayed seated like this for what felt like eternity and Pablo felt more at home than ever, the strong arms, the broad chest were seemed to be the safe haven he had been looking for.

**~Growth~**

_I wanna know what it’s like_

_On the inside of love_

_I’m standing at the gates_

_I see the beauty above_ **_[7]_ **

Bruno kept his word over the following days, sticking to a platonic image in public that he found unsuitable. Keeping desires for himself, which were driving him up the walls. He felt stuck in the mature role of the relationship, a role that he felt incapable of filling. Nevertheless, a life without Pablo was out of the question. He loved their private meetings, when they could hug and hold each other and kiss. He’d never enjoyed such things much with women, they’d always been something he needed to do in order to get sex. Now, that had changed. Still, it felt incomplete, he wanted to move forward, if only to see if he’d still like it then. If he could really deal with all the consequences. Maybe they did not need to show their affection publicly, he could well understand Pablo’s concerns and possibly had some doubts himself. That part could be delayed. But he had growing problems to accept that kissing was all they could do. Not because he’d need sex desperately – he could rub one out and be happy with that for a while. No, he needed, wanted, desired, craved the intimacy. He wanted more Pablo. And he could not bear the feeling that Pablo might feel different, it hurt him that Pablo apparently did not desire him in that way. He felt rejected.

## ~~~

_What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you_

_What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you_

_And I don’t wanna fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)_ **_[8]_ **

 

Pablo however, wanted and craved Bruno just as badly. But fear kept getting the upper hand. Fear he would have to bail out halfway, hurting Bruno even more. Fear to do something wrong. Not to forget the fear to get hurt himself- what if it turned out that he liked it but Bruno did not? What if he wanted more and Bruno found that sex with women was the better thing after all? Days passed, despair grew, tensions grew. Unspoken words were lingering between them and Pablo was well aware that they were on the edge of another fight.

“It is a bit like Schrödinger’s cat, as long as you don’t open the box, your relationship is both, okay and failed.” He stared at Veronica, irritated. They had agreed to have lunch together, Thursday, during a break between her classes. It was a sunny day, though a bit on the cooler side. She wore a scarf and a somewhat thicker jacket already. Pablo contemplated her words while watching the smoke of his cigarette. “Anyway, what I wanted to say is, you will not find out if the two of you can last unless you try.” She was – once again – right of course. It could not continue like this forever, so why not find out as soon as possible. He had to face it.

## ~~~

_I’ve been waiting so long_

_To be where I’m going_

_In the sunshine of your love_ [9]

Pablo came over to Bruno’s place later that day. They had planned to meet up with Victor and some other friends to watch a soccer game. “Hey, what are you doing, we got to get leaving.” Bruno looked a bit annoyed, seeing that Pablo was taking his jacket off. Pablo came over to him and kissed him but he stopped the avance. “I think we have to hurry a bit!” “I called Javier and cancelled.” Pablo looked straight into Bruno’s eyes. Those wonderful eyes. He would miss them so much. He tried to swallow down the knots in his throat. “I am ready.” He watched the expressions on Bruno’s face turn from puzzled into that bright smile he loved so much. It was bit like the moment when he had shown him the “kitty picture”.

They kissed, a bit more nervously than they now usually did. It was a soft kiss, and a long one, with both of them trying to delay the inevitable. Pablo gathered his courage. He did not want to go all the way, not yet, not this night, but he wanted to… no, he had to, take a first step forward, in the right direction, and he could do it. He had to do it. Still hugging tightly, kissing and caressing each other’s face they moved to Bruno’s bed. Pablo’s fingers were shaky; he had problems loosening his own belt. Bruno watched him, chuckling a bit, but his own hands were not much better when he took off his shirt and jeans. They faced each other, wearing only briefs and there was more nervous laughter, before they kissed. It started out gently but Pablo, in a fatalistic state of mind, kept pushing and demanding, his hands discovering Bruno’s butt under the briefs. Bruno was surprised that he himself had no doubts in this but he really was able to simply enjoy. Pablo felt good. He’d known before, they’d kissed shirtless, and cuddled, but it was the nervous expectation of what else might come that night which made Bruno shiver. He felt Pablo’s fingers that pushed down his boxer’s and he felt that he was growing hard, making him blush. Pablo smiled, caressed his chest and slowly moved his hand downward. Bruno moaned and stumbled a bit, so Pablo directed him onto the bed and was now leaning over him, kissing his nipples, his free hand resting on Bruno’s stomach. Bruno was lost in Pablo’s smell and the feeling of Pablo’s skin. He was holding on to Pablo’s head, to this beautiful dark hair, and for a short moment he thought of how different he had imagined this evening but then Pablo’s lips touched his stomach and he was overwhelmed by the sensation. Pablo was irritated by the hard cock next to his face, but he also heard Veronica’s words in the back of his head “It’s always weird the first time… it’ll pass, I promise.” He took one last deep breath and then his lips gently moved over Bruno’s tip. For a second, he felt sick and wanted to stop and run away but then he heard Bruno moan as he’d not heard him before and being able to arouse his beautiful new lover overwhelmed Pablo just enough to keep going. Bruno’s fingers clenched tightly in Pablo’s hair while Pablo, carried away by a feeling of power and courage, licked and sucked and kissed him in a way no girl had managed to before.

 “You are one awesome lover.” They were sitting next to each other, leaning against the wall behind the bed. Bruno’s head was leaning against his chest. Pablo’s fingers gently played with the dark curls. “But now you haven’t had any fun yet.” Slowly, Bruno moved over him and kissed his forehead tenderly. Pablo felt incredibly content. He did not regret, not a bit. He had satisfied his lover, he had done well. He was no longer a coward, and that alone felt good, it felt incredibly good. He did not even care whether he’d have “fun” or not that night. “You don’t have to.” He mumbled as Bruno started kissing his throat and chest. Bruno paused and looked up to him. “Well, I want to.” “In that case… go ahead.” Pablo smiled and with Bruno’s fingers in his lap and Bruno’s tongue playing with his nipples, Pablo turned hard quickly. It felt a bit strange, a bit awkward, and maybe still a bit, a tiny little bit, uncomfortable to see Bruno, his strong and broad companion, kneeling in front of him, his head in his lap. Pablo felt Bruno’s tongue touching his stomach making circles around his belly button, his hands stroking the sides of his upper body. As Bruno’s lips touched his cock, Pablo moaned and got so lost in the feeling of Bruno’s touch all over him, he almost screamed with lust.

## ~~~

_Good feeling_

_Won’t you stay with me just a little longer_

_It always seems like you’re leaving_

_When I need you here just a little longer_ **_[10]_ **

 “I love you” Pablo had not planned this, the words just kind of fell out of his mouth. He had not said this before, though he’d known it was true for a while. He looked at Bruno and still felt a bit shocked of his own actions and words. Once again, Bruno was smiling brightly, the way that made Pablo fall for him more and more. “I love you, too, very much.” They shared a very tender kiss. Then, out of the blue, Pablo moved a little, resting his head on his hand and looking at Bruno’s beautiful face.

“Since when?” He asked out of curiosity, not because of any hard feelings.

“What?” Bruno looked puzzled.

“Well, since when do you love me? When did your plan change from chasing Laura to chasing me?” There was a somewhat awkward pause, in which Bruno sat up and lit himself a cigarette and Pablo, now looking up to his lover, regretted bringing it up.

“Well, the truth is, I don’t know. Our first tiny kiss at that party just felt … well… nicer than it should have, and when Ana made us exchange a real kiss, it was incredibly good. So at that point, I was already much more involved than I should have. After I arranged for that kiss in the kitchen, that is when I knew the feelings were real, they were not because of being drunk or anything. Did you not notice?”

Pablo sat up and leaned his head on Bruno’s shoulders. “No. Well, yes. But I figured it was wishful thinking. I was hoping there was something between us, but then, at the end of the day I thought it just could not be.”

Later that night, when they were both cuddled up nicely under Bruno’s sheets, Pablo felt that for him a wall had finally broken. He now felt sure enough to take any next steps ahead of them, and with a deep feeling of warmth and content, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Bruno noticed that Pablo had fallen asleep before him, an unusual situation; normally he’d be the first to sleep himself. He studied his lover’s face and the longer he did so, the more he felt in love. It was a good feeling but there was always something painful about this. With every bit of emotional commitment, he made himself more vulnerable, and with every bit of “finally having Pablo”, the fear of possibly losing him grew. Those feelings were new for Bruno and at times, he doubted his capacity to deal with them. He still felt that his new role was not fitting right, at least not yet. Carefully tracing the contours of Pablo’s spine Bruno whispered, “I will try my best not to mess up, my love.” And indulging in phantasies and images about what happened earlier, Bruno fell asleep as well.

## ~~~

_And love dares you to care for_

_The people on the edge of the night_ **_[11]_ **

They met with Ana and Javier the next day to have some drinks in their favorite bar. Bruno and Pablo sitting next to each other and both acting as platonic as ever. Bruno and Ana discussed their stuff – Pablo and Javier had a chat on Soccer. Bruno was just telling Ana that he’d finish their paper that afternoon, when he noticed Pablo’s hand on his own hand and lower arm, Pablo’s fingers gently caressing him. He did not dare to move or look at Pablo, he was so scared Pablo would then stop intimidated. Probably Pablo was just doing it out of reflex, without intention. He’d said he was not ready for this and so far had not said anything about changing his mind. But then last night… maybe?. Bruno noticed that Ana was talking to him and that he had not been listening at all. “Bruno, are you still here?” Bruno looked at her, puzzled, but smiling nervously, and then he could tell from the expressions in her face that she had noticed. With him and Ana suddenly both silent, Javier and Pablo stopped their chat and looked at them. Pablo had in fact done this very intentionally and the irritation in their faces – for different reasons – made him snicker. Then, once again gathering all the courage he could find, he turned to Bruno and gave him a “real” kiss. “Well, that’s not quite a subtle way of letting us know, but I’m happy for you guys, you make a cute couple.” When Ana smiled at them, her broad and open smile, Pablo realized that Bruno was right: It is just that simple. He knew Veronica did not mind, Victor did not, Ana did not… so many people would not care and just treat him the same. Bruno was trembling. He felt overwhelmed with joy, knowing that Pablo had, for the first time publicly confessed their love. They had an official relationship and that made Bruno happier than he’d ever expected or imagined. His huge smile would not vanish and he felt as content as possible when he put his head on Pablo’s shoulder. “Well, Ana, in part this is your fault anyway.” He said, still smiling. “So, I did not dream the other night when I saw you guys kiss?” Javier asked openly. Bruno studied his face, scanned for evidence of disapproval. No, Javier did not look shocked or disgusted, not even surprised, only curious. Ana certainly had a good taste in men. “No, you were not dreaming… but we thought you were about dead.” Bruno said. “Mh, I just kind of turned half awake, saw you kissing, turned around and kept sleeping. The next morning I figured it was part of my dream.” Ana laughed. “Seems like it was Pablo’s and Bruno’s dream, too.” “You initiated it.” Pablo again reminded her of her special role in this beginning romance.

## ~~~

_Little by little_

_Sneaking upon till it’s too much to ignore_

_(…)_

_Our little castle is a house of cards_

_It’s empty, heartache is pending_ **_[12]_ **

Weeks passed and to their own surprise, their relationship had developed well and their child-like friendship had not suffered but only grown with it. They’d have the same, sometimes hilarious, sometimes deep conversations, they’d go to the same parties, meet the same people,  enjoy their Tuesday-night-Blind-Sessions, work out together, cook together, and they slept over, a lot,…further discovering their bodies. They had not spoken about their future or where their relationship could be heading. The subject was to be avoided, although it dawned upon both of them that it could not be pushed away forever.

# ~Pain~

_Ain’t that the way it always starts_

_A simple round of conversation_

_Became a shameful equation_

_(…)_

_And when you said I couldn’t give you enough_

_I started givin’ you up, I started givin’ you up_ **_[13]_ **

Over the weeks, Pablo’s fears had grown. In Bruno’s behavior, he kept looking for signs that he started to be moving on, to other, more exciting things or even people. He believed Bruno, he believed him that he was in love now, but he did not trust in Bruno’s maturity enough, not yet. But lately, Bruno had started to make hints at a common future that Pablo was not certain he could fit in. He did not trust his own courage enough, had still not talked to his family of this, could not see himself in a “domestic lifestyle” with another man. He could not give Bruno what he deserved and if he stayed in this relationship, he would always hate himself for making Bruno unhappy. Bruno’s unconditional affection, his easygoing approach to their relationship – a relationship that parts of Pablo still considered inappropriate – overwhelmed Pablo. His own feelings for Bruno had grown, too, he enjoyed his company, he devoured his appeared, he desired his touch, it was a craving he had not experienced before and it was painful. He was caught in a vicious circle of thoughts only related to Bruno and he was slowly running out of strength to cope.

“Bruno, I think I cannot do this. It’s totally out of hand. Let’s take a break, let me have a break. I need time for myself,” the words poured out of Pablo while they were hanging out at the beach. It was out of the blue, again, not a planned decision he had made. Now he stared at his own feet, at no cost did he want to see Bruno’s eyes, did not want to see what distressed he had caused.

It was very quiet, very tense for a moment, until Bruno started speaking, his voice loud, angry, hateful. “You are just scared. You are a despicable coward and I’ve had it up to here. I am so sick of your waiting game, of you taking three steps forward and two back, I am sick of you deciding what I want or need.” Bruno paused, caught some breath, and, with a grave and tired voice he added, “I am sick of you.”

Pablo could feel his heart shatter into pieces as he kept walking. Bruno did not run after him, and he did not shout for him to stop. Sure, Pablo had heard worse from the women he had dumped, but it had never been this painful. His stomach was twisting and turning from the pain. By the time he had arrived back at his place, he had to throw up.

## ~~~

_No quiero oir tu voz siempre lejana_

_No quiero oir tu voz siempre quebrada_

_No puedo dormir con esas lagrimas_

_Goteando encima de mi_ **_[14]_ **

Victor had never thought of himself as a romantic person, and he was not conceived as one. Instead, everything about him was hands-on, pragmatic. But when it came to family, relationships and love, he did have the understanding that a goal to happiness would be a relationship with his soul mate, which he was sure he had found in Nina. And, as unlikely as it had seemed at first glance, he could see Pablo and Bruno as soul mates. For that, he understood Bruno’s despair well enough. And Victor was a caring friend, who would take in drunk and hopeless Bruno without hesitation, put him asleep on the couch, cover him with a blanket and sit next to him, a cigarette in hand, deeply worried about his friends heart without any understanding of how this could have happened or how it could be resolved. Victor smiled insouciantly when a situation crossed his mind where Bruno had nonchalantly dumped another girl that had stormed off crying and cursing, his, Victor’s, mother, had exclaimed “One day he will be hit with love so suddenly and heavily, it will roll over him and bury him so that he’ll have trouble getting his head back up…” Apparently, the day had come. In any other relationship he would have figured that Bruno must have messed up – but with Pablo Bruno had tried hard, put much effort in, had tried to be empathic as good as he possibly could- what could his friend have done? Or had Pablo? But then… Pablo did not seem like a person who’d purposefully hurt anyone. Victor sighed. This was getting beyond his capacities. He pulled out another cigarette, still shaking his head in disbelief.

## ~~~

_Thought of you as my mountain top._

_Thought of you as my peak._

_Thought of you as everything,_

_I’ve had but couldn’t keep._ **_[15]_ **

“But Bruno is immature, he’s a slacker and he’s selfish. He’s not even my type. We won’t last and it won’t matter if I hurt him now or later.” Pablo was terribly angry, mostly at himself, but would not admit that.

“Oh, sweetie, there is so much wrong with that phrase of yours. First, you sound like you’re just desperately looking for justifications and second, Bruno WAS like that, but he has changed, a lot. He does it for you. What better gift could he make you? What better evidence could he offer for his love?” Veronica played with her hair and stared out of the window.

“What if he’s disappointed about me not being the same?” He nervously played with his lighter.

“It all comes down to your fear of losing him. And that makes Bruno right: you are a coward.” Veronica sighed and paused for a moment, before she continued, no longer with an angry but with a rather soft and gentle voice. “And there’s something else… instead of hurting him now or later, you might have tried not hurting him at all.”

Pablo wanted to answer, but he did not know how. His throat was once again in knots. He turned sideward, hoping she would at least not get to see the tears that slowly made their way down his cheeks. While he lit himself another cigarette, he got lost in thoughts of Bruno. He loved that smile, that irresistible smile. Sure, deep inside he knew that Bruno’s quirks, his often infantile way of life, had added just the spontaneity and relaxation to his world that he had yearned for and never found by himself.

## ~~~

_Como duele este silencio de amor._ **_[16]_ **

For a couple of weeks, they did not get in touch. Pablo tried, but Bruno would not open his door and would not answer his calls and when Pablo called Victor, Victor would say that though he was very sorry for it, he could not get Bruno to talk to him either. Pablo had not been to university for an entire week and had missed a photography job calling in sick. With every day, every hour, every minute and every second without Bruno, Pablo felt his world turn darker, colder and emptier. For the first time in his life, he experienced what being lovesick really meant, not being able to eat or sleep or focus on anything – all that happened in his head revolved around Bruno. Was he okay? Was he over him? What did he do? How did he look? Where did he go? Whom did he meet? Bruno in the morning, Bruno during lunch, Bruno in the afternoon, Bruno at night. He watched pictures of Bruno, over and over. He suffered crying silently, he suffered sobbing loudly. Veronica tried her best to take care, neglecting many of her own obligations, but her best efforts were not enough.

## ~~~

_But I gave you all_

_But you rip it from my hands_

_And you swear it’s all gone_

_And you rip out all I have_

_Just to say that you’ve won_ **_[17]_ **

Bruno had retired from this world, which seemed to be only hurt for him lately. He had not eaten much, and he showed the same signs of sickness Pablo suffered from. Staying over at Victor’s place, smoking and drinking too much, he indulged in his own misery. Victor carefully and tenderly tried to remind him that he had not always been good to Pablo, reminded him of his own betrayal and Pablo’s forgiveness. Bruno was not ready to listen. After all, part of him still was a stubborn child, and that part struggled deeply with not getting what he wanted and the way he wanted. Bruno had grown a lot in his months with Pablo, but not quite enough, it seemed. Moreover, Bruno had tried his best at concealing his fear from Pablo, but now this secret fear of losing Pablo, which had kept growing constantly, had become reality. Bruno was again reminded that the more he allowed himself to love someone, the more vulnerable he would become. Being vulnerable was nothing he desired in his life and he felt incapable of dealing with it. Therefore, he did not feel ready to let Pablo back into his world because that would mean risking to be hurt once again, every time being hit more and more painfully. Without Pablo, the world for him was empty now and going on with life seemed futile, but a world with Pablo would mean a world full of pain.

## ~~~

_I’m so sorry that I’ve fallen_

_Help me up let’s keep on running_

_Don’t let me fall out of love_ **_[18]_ **

Veronica and Victor suffered from the burden of having to care for their friends, they loved them to pieces and could not face their sadness anymore, nor did they have much strength left to watch over them. It was a lucky twist of fate that let them run into each other at a grocery store at the beginning of the second week of heartache. After their short chat Veronica knew where to find Bruno and she knew, to her relief, that Bruno was miserable and had not gotten over Pablo, he had not even tried. Pablo refused to go to Victor’s place, saying that he could not deal with another rejection. However, Veronica dragged him there. In front of the apartment door, Pablo could feel and hear his heart pounding in his head and was once again nauseous from fear. If Bruno refused to see him, he would probably fall over dead. At the same time, there was this huge, hopeful anxiety building up that he could finally see Bruno’s face again. ‘My head is about to explode’ he thought, shivering at the memories the phrase had woken. Victor opened them and, without talking, shoved Pablo into the living room. Bruno’s was standing right outside the terrace door, looking over the city and apparently had not noticed them. Pablo studied him, his heart jumping from the joy of seeing him and at the same time grieving with the realization how much pain he had caused him. He was in cold sweat from fear and his voice was trembling more than ever when he started to speak.

 “I am so sorry.” He wished he knew more to say.

Bruno’s head turned towards him, hastily. “Pablo, I…” Bruno lost his speech. A lump had built in his throat, seeing his Pablo so miserably, so sad, so small.

He had not sent him away. Pablo took a deep breath and slowly walked towards him, joining Bruno on the terrace. Come what may, at least he had not sent him away. They would stand there quietly for a long time, smoking, looking over the city, avoiding looking at each other, each of them lost in their own thoughts, fears, troubles and struggles. Bruno would not send Pablo away. The second he had seen Pablo’s face, this most beautiful face, Bruno had known that he could not and would not let go. Still, he was hurt and sorry at the same time, not knowing how or where to start from here. A felt eternity passed, and it was not until the sun started setting and it got cooler, that Bruno had straightened his head enough and gathered enough strength to speak.

“I tried so hard to make this work. I don’t understand how it got messed up.” He stared into the sunset, still not strong enough to look at the expression in Pablo’s face, the sadness in his eyes.

“I am so sorry, it was my fault. You were right all along, I am coward.” Pablo stared at his feet, fighting tears.

“Maybe, but I was quite a hypocrite to call you on it. I mean, I am so scared myself…” Bruno paused.

“Do you think there is still a possibility that this will end well?” Pablo was shaking; his heart had dropped to his feet from the heavy burden that pressed upon it.

Finally, Bruno dared to look into Pablo’s eyes, and when he found them wet and about to drop tears, he felt his own heart shattering into pieces, absolutely powerless to see his friend suffer. He hugged him, pressed himself against him, and, holding Pablo’s head and his gorgeous black hair, whispered all the words he could think of to make it better.

“Don’t, please don’t. Of course everything will be okay. I love you so, so much. Please, it is fine, it will be fine. My love, my lover, please.” Bruno’s voice got increasingly urgent. He was sure if he had to Pablo like this any longer he would die from sorrow.

Finding himself in Bruno’s arms, surrounded by his familiar smell, sensing his warm skin, Pablo felt as if he had come home, arrived at a place in life where he could settle. Desperate to taste the soft lips of the man he loved, Pablo passionately kissed Bruno and his heart finally felt light. His whole body was now light, light enough to fly. At the same time though, he was exhausted, powerless, weak and trembling, and just wanted to be held for the rest of his life.

# ~Love~

_You’ve already won me over in spite of me_

_Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn’t help it_

_It’s all your fault_ **_[19]_ **

Time flows, incessantly, like a river and, at times, like a waterfall. Neither of them could believe that it had been a bare three months since their first passionate kisses on that very same bed and a mere week since their tearful reunion at Victor’s place. They had tried to develop and to grow and had made the decision that they had to find out, once and for all, what they could or could not do. They had quietly prepared themselves for this night – only to find that you cannot be prepared. They had been sitting on the bed, both already naked, drinking wine and smoking, and had then started making out passionately for a long time. Their experience had grown over the past week; their rhythms had synchronized to an extent that their hearts would beat at the same rate. Now, they were delaying the inevitable unless their kissing, the touch of their hot and sticky skin, the movement of their fingers had carried them away enough to turn painfully hard, to be desperate and greedy for whichever relieve there was.

“Turn over” Bruno whispered. Pablo shook his head. He wanted to see Bruno’s face during this, he had to, that was the only thing that could make this completely unmentionable thing bearable for him. As long as he would have Bruno’s lips on his, he would be able to take it, even literally.

Bruno in turn, was slightly shocked and paused for a moment when Pablo instead spread and lifted his legs, resting his ankles on Bruno’s shoulders, his eyes sparkling with nervous desire. Even after all they had shared by now, it felt painfully wrong to see his companion open and vulnerable in front of him. Bruno, once again overrun with the feeling that his leading role was too much for him to deal with, felt nauseous and was on the verge of running away. It was when Pablo’s beautiful, tender hands pulled his head down and kissed him, passionately, roughly, that he gained the strength to carry on.

Pablo, to his own and Bruno’s surprise, moaned from pleasure, when Bruno’s fingers carefully explored their new territory. Yet, when Bruno slowly but relentlessly started to push inside him, the pain was agonizing. Pablo would later not admit this, but he had been about to scream and push Bruno away. Clenching his hands in the sheets, holding his breath, he waited for the pain to fade into something new, strangely exciting and more enjoyable soon. From then on, it was a surprisingly intense, erotic feeling, having Bruno, his Bruno, everywhere, on his lips, in his arms, inside of him, Bruno’s tongue playing with his nipples, Bruno’s full and hungry lips on his own, the feel of Bruno’s moist skin, Bruno’s irresistible smell. Pablo was drowning in Bruno’s touch and his own love for this strong man and he found himself hardening, growing needy and desperate for more and more and more. He pulled Bruno’s head down again, tightly kissing him, biting his lips, at the same time enthusiastically moving Bruno’s hand around his dick.

Although Bruno was mostly lost in his own universe of pleasure, a universe he had not known with this intensity before, he unconsciously did what Pablo craved and stroked and rubbed him, very skillfully, as over the past month they had well discovered each other’s favorites. Bruno felt himself surrounded by Pablo and it made him crave and yearn and long for Pablo more, more, more. He had not loved with this intensity before and staying slow and careful became a painful task. He did not want to hurt Pablo, but his growing desire made him pound harder, and the only thoughts he had left were “I will make you mine and I will be yours and there will be only us.” He came with a sensation that sex with women had not given him yet, making him moan and scream uncontrollably.

It took a moment that felt everlasting before Bruno returned into this world and it was not until then that he felt the sticky mess between their stomachs.

“Did you…” He could not say it, did not dare.

Pablo felt himself blushing as he pulled Bruno’s lips on his own. “Yes,” he whispered as he released his lover’s mouth again.

It caught Pablo off guard when Bruno changed their positions, having Pablo on top now, holding his head tightly. “Ready for a second round? Roles reversed, of course.”

Pablo was speechless. He had always assumed that their roles were cast. It had scared him, he had not been certain if he could fit into his part in this relationship, but he had never thought of swapping as an option. He did not feel comfortable in the lead, neither in “every day business” nor in “every night business”.

Bruno, sensing his surprise and discomfort, whispered. “I don’t want to set the direction by myself; I want us to go on together. I need you to join me with this, I really do.”

Bruno’s fingers had started to play with his hair, seemingly accidentally stroking the delicate skin in his neck and behind his ears, his other hand slowly stroking Pablo’s spine, driving Pablo up the wall with confusion and desire once again. He could do this, he had to do this, and the more Bruno touched him, the more Pablo felt the desire to do it.

“Are you sure about this?” He was short of breath, talking was a difficult task. He saw Bruno nodding and at the same time felt Bruno’s fingers softly caressing his cock. He had not felt this desperate before and he did not know how Bruno did this to him. He moaned from Bruno’s playful caresses while he spread his legs and grabbed the lube. He wanted Bruno hastily, desperately, greedily and under the veil of desire that was shutting him away from this world only vaguely noticed that Bruno, too, had turned hard again. He pinned Bruno’s wrists to the sheets, locked his lips with a kiss and slipped into him, trying to control himself, to be slow, but finding the pleasure so intense and his desire so strong, that he forgot about his intentions. He noticed that Bruno had moved his finger’s around his own cock, much in the fashion that Pablo had done before and Pablo, too, had become skilled when it came to pleasing his friend. Pablo felt himself drowning again, breathless, and consumed with love and passion. Yes, passion, this was true passion. When he heard Bruno’s moans, felt him twitch, felt his hot semen running over his fingers, it knocked Pablo over the edge. He pushed forcefully and came, screaming Bruno’s name, begging Bruno’s love.

“So… did you enjoy it?” Pablo nervously asked a while later. They were sitting now, leaning against the wall, had lit the obligatory cigarettes and refilled their glasses.

Bruno chuckled; Pablo’s insecurity was amusing him, as if their moans and screams had left any room to interpretation. Still laughing he answered, “Might have been quite good, judging from the mess I might or might not have made… what about you?”

“I have no words for what happened. Bruno, I still don’t understand what happened to us, and if you had asked me six months ago I would have called this situation impossible. But it did happen, it was uncontrollable, and I am more than happy about this. I love you, and it scares me, it drives me up the walls, I’m sometimes mad at you for making me feel this way, but I love you.”

Bruno was sure he had just begun to float, feeling weightless and fearless. All parts of the puzzle had slipped in place. He kissed Pablo in response, so very tenderly, as if he was afraid to break something. And running his hands through Pablo’s soft hair, smiling his broad smile, filled with happiness, he whispered. “I want you, I need you and I love you. And I will make you mine and never ever release you again.”

# ~Epilogue~

_And I need you now tonight_

_And I need you more than ever_

_And if you only hold me tight_

_We’ll be holding on forever_ [20]

As rocky as their relationship had started out, it grew on them and with them. They needed no name, no label, not even an understanding of what was happening to them anymore, because they had discovered that they could bear with an uncertain future as long as they were certain of each other. Their path would never be free of obstacles but they had learned one lesson, and they learned it well: Without each other, their life was meaningless. Never, not through their worst arguments and struggles, did they forget how much they needed each other and how well-worth all the troubles would be, if at the end of day they could sink into each other’s arms and go to sleep.

## ~~~

 

[1] Mazzy Star, Fade into you // Sandoval/Roback // Capitol

[2] Queen, Too much Love will kill you // May/Musker/Lamers // Parlophone/Hollywood

[3] The Cure, Boys don’t cry // (Author highly recommends alternate version by Grant Lee Philips)

[4] Roxy Music, Jealous Guy // Lennon // EMI

[5] Arcade Fire, Crown of Love // Arcade Fire // Merge/Rough Trade

[6] Bon Jovi, In these Arms // Bon Jovi/Bryan/Sambora // Mercury

[7] Nada Surf, Inside of Love // Caws/Elliot/Lorca // Barzuk Records

[8] Chris Isaak, Wicked Game // Isaak // Warner Brothers

[9] Cream, In the Sunshine of your Love // Bruce/Brown/Clapton // Atco/Polydor

[10] Violent Femmes, Good Feeling // Gano // Slash

[11] Queen & David Bowie, Under Pressure // Mercury/Deacon/May/Bowie/Taylor/van Winkle/Brown // EMI/Elektra

[12] Marit Larsen, Don’t save me // Zizzo/Vestrheim/Larsen // Universal Music Scandinavia

[13] Foo Fighters, Arlandria // Grohl // RCA

[14] Heroes del Silencio, No mas lagrimas // Valdivia/Cardiel/Ortiz de Landázuri (Bunbury)/Andreu // EMI

[15] The Velvet Underground, Pale blue Eyes // Reed // MGM Records

[16] David Bisbal, Silencio // Santander // Universal Music

[17] Mumford & Sons, I gave you all // Dwane/Mumford/Lovett/Marshall // Universal

[18] No Doubt, Running // Kanal/Stefani // Interscope

[19] Alanis Morissette, Head over Feet // Morrissette/Ballard // Maverick/Reprise

[20] Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart // Steinman/Steinman // EMI (Author highly recommends alternate version by Jill Andrews)

 

* on another note: I have taken most of these lines totally out of the context of their songs and in most places, I feel that it is only these lines (and not the entire songs) which fit the story.

**Author's Note:**

> A final note from the author: I am quite aware, that this might not be the most realistic outcome, that it is full of fluff and cliché and that it is so sweet that it feels sticky. I blame Manuel Vignau and Lucas Ferraro: they have managed to play these characters in such a realistic, touching way that I care about Bruno and Pablo so much that I cannot see them unhappy. I cried writing their arguments. They must – in my world – have their happily ever after, because their relationship and their love, as unlikely as it might be, is hopeful and beautiful to me. It has to work out.


End file.
